Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5328 of 6386
Someone should help Rihanna. She likes rude boys, loves being lied to, thinks she's the only girl in the world & has forgotten her name
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12-23-2010 15:46
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The only reason kids like Christmas is because they're not the ones buying all the presents.
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12-23-2010 15:46
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Whenever I'm leaving the work bathroom and I see the cleaning lady waiting, we exchange the knowing look that I just crapped in her office.
Apparently, rush hour starts the second I put my key in the ignition, no matter what time I leave.
You know how when you walk up a staircase in the dark and you can't see where the last step is? I live for that feeling.
doesn't think that even Ferris Bueller could get him out of work tomorrow.. :-(
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12-23-2010 15:35
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I like to think that when you die, you get to see your stats and high scores like at the end of a video game.
I struggle every time someone says "I want the truth" not to tell them "you can't handle the truth!"
Dear Winter, I am breaking up with you. It's not me, It's you, you make me miserable. I think it's time I start seeing other seasons. you wouldn't by chance have the phone number of your hot cousin Summer?
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12-23-2010 15:17
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To all the people that send those annoying Christmas chain text messages I HOPE YOU GET COAL THIS YEAR UNDER YOUR TREE!!!
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12-23-2010 15:17 by CLEVELAND
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Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I'm not beating her.
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12-23-2010 14:51
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Using a stapler and duct tape sure makes wrapping presents easy....
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12-23-2010 14:49
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BREAKING NEWS: Rudolph commits suicide after Santa upgrades to GPS
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12-23-2010 14:48 by Gil
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I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.
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12-23-2010 14:47
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doesn't think drinking will solve your problems... but it will give you lots of interesting new ones.
Some relatives are like seeing Santa; you only care to see them once a year.
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12-23-2010 14:23 by SEAN
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If one more person says "all I want for christmas is you" they are gonna get me... with a baseball bat
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12-23-2010 14:13
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when you get pulled over for a D.U.I quickly pull off the lable off of the beer and stick it on ur forehead and tell the officer you havn't been drinking ur on the patch!"
Dear Santa, when your done writing the naughty list, can I get my lil black book back? Cheers Guv
Does not set out to shock or offend anyone, but also does not do anything to prevent it.
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12-23-2010 13:51 by Heather25
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