Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5325 of 6386
My friends cars gas tank is on E. And we're still driving. Call me crazy.......but I think we just beat the system!
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12-24-2010 18:53
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thinks Bill Gates and Steve Jobs should be Santa Claus and forced to give us all presents
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12-24-2010 18:53 by SLAYER
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broke as a mofo..why can't Santa Claus be real????
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12-24-2010 18:48 by SLAYER
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I think it would really be nice if we all went over to MySpace to wish Tom a merry Christmas... poor guy... :-(
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12-24-2010 16:41
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some weird fat man with a white beard wearing red clothes just shoved me into a big red sock... OK people, which one of you asked to get me for Christmas??
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12-24-2010 16:09
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The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there ..
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12-24-2010 15:38
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When I was a child, I always used to search my parent's drawers and cupboards in the run up to Christmas so I'd know exactly what to expect. Although I never did receive that Vibratron Pleasuremax 3000.
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12-24-2010 15:16 by @clarkysj
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Please don't get your last minute presents from a gas station. If you do remember Grandma gets the candy or the beef jerky not the condoms. Don't ask me how I know this.
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12-24-2010 15:08 by ff1241
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Before I was married I had three theories about raising children...now I have 3 children and absolutely no theories!!
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12-24-2010 15:02
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please don't get your last minute presents from a gas station. If you do rembe Grandma gets the candy or the beef jerky not the condoms. Don't ask me how I know this.
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12-24-2010 15:01 by ff1241
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Has finally found my Christmas spirit. Now if I could just remember where I put those candy cane shot glasses, I could start drinking it...
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12-24-2010 13:44
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I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But, if the white runs out, I'll drink the red
Twas the night before Christmas, and I have not a joke, just a bunch of these presents and now I am broke. I shall awake in the mornin and hear all the chatter, watch my children open gifts realizing the clothes dont matter. To all of you out there I wish
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12-24-2010 13:24 by Kelly
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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.
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12-24-2010 13:11
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The christmas nativity play was cancelled. Not due to religious reasons, but because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin
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12-24-2010 13:10 by @arha
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I'm going to a posh do tonight. The invitation says, 'Black Tie Only'. Christ, I'm going to be f-kin freezing!
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12-24-2010 11:42 by @clarkysj
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My girlfriend complains that I don't tell her how much I love her. I don't want to upset her.
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12-24-2010 11:35 by Kelevra
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Hey Everyone just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.. If you can't be good....... be carefull.. Have a safe and fun holiday...
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12-24-2010 11:22
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Anyone else put snowballs in the freezer in anticipation of a snowball fight you don't plan on losing?
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12-24-2010 11:12
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Happy Get Drunk to Make Your Inlaws Less Annoying Day Eve!
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12-24-2010 10:30
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