Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Prank: Have 10 friends call the same phone # for a week & ask for Jim. Then call it yourself & say “this is Jim, do I have any messages?”

   You don't find the meaning of life, the meaning of life finds you.

   These liberty tax male lady liberty people on the side of the road make me happy I'm not them.

   Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.

   Nothing makes people happier than when you are wrong and they are right.

   wondering why villians just don't shoot Batman in the chin?

   putting up a new business in town; Zodiac Signs Tattoo Removal.

   Well I don't like you, and you don't like me. Oh you like me? Okay then I don't like you, and you like me.

   Some people struggle with their addictions. I embrace them.

   Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing. Then I can continue killing you with beer.

   You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

   Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

   girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

   naked in the shower. (You're welcome ladies.)

   Anytime something goes wrong and everyone looks at you just jump out your seat and yell "Mortal Kombat!!" while beating on your chest! That should clear the room nicely.

   Today, I'm hosting a jousting tournament for ALL kids in the neighborhood! All you need is: $10 (entry fee), a bike, and a broom OR mop!

   I was in a Spelling Bee onze. But I lost bekause the other students cheeted.

   categorically denies all allegations......Next question

   throws his hand up and pretends he's on a roller-coaster whenever the plane takes off.

   blocked you from reading this awesome Facebook status update. Please try back later.