Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!

   just saw Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, should have been called Scott Pilgrim Vs. The IRS; because the rate of money they lost I expect he will be fighting them off for years.

   if you look up "cool" in the dictionary you'll see marked by calm self-control (especially in trying circumstances); unemotional; "play it cool"; "keep cool"; don't be a liar...I just checked the dictionary.

   not trying to be rude, but this lady in front of the line looks like she is mixed with mongoose.

   If you look up “cool” in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of me. I like to deface dictionaries.

   Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I'm upgrading to the tugboat!

   the ancient myans predicted the end of the world in 2012...But mankind can barely predict a 5 day weather forecast....This is some bull sh*t!

   Helmet strapped down, crayons sharpened, it's going to be a great day!

   When someone tries to impress you, it means they're impressed by you.

   I don't take anything you say seriously. You're just an idiot who has internet access.

   I've changed the lock on my heart.. So stick the old key up your ass.

   Lawsuit claims Taco Bell tacos only 35% real beef. I think I speak for all of us when I say wow that much?

   Yep it is that time of year when some of us hate tax time!!! Thanks too the goverment you will get my money again this year!!!! Hope you will enjoy it

   is just me, or does anyone else's cold medina taste a little funky?

   Hey West Coast, it's the East Coast. We checked it out for you, and today isn't worth getting up for. Go ahead and sleep in.

   If you're having trouble with using the correct your/you're, just use “ur” because ur a moron!

   Taco Bell putting Fritos in there Burrito..... then Subway should stack chips in there subs .. am just saying

   getting a restraining order on Old Man Winter

   How do you spell "clitoris"? I don't know but I had it on the tip of my tongue a moment ago.

   Dear FB users, quit using lower case i's and quit putting them right in front (with no space) of the next consonant....it's not cute anymore.