Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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O' HAPPY DAYS , first an ice storm followed by a whole month of black history month ! 
and the #1 reason a beer is better than a woman.....Its a beer!
in a bar the other day. "make me a zombie", "god beat me to this" said the barkeeper
The Beatles saved the world from boredom. - George Harrison
Ok... Where do these people come from that just wake up and say "Ya know, I don't think I can live without purchasing a BMW station-wagon". Really? THAT'S the luxury vehicle of your dreams?
Seems to me if you really want to meet a celebrity your best shot is by going to rehab.
What's uppp? Yup, I just tripled p'd my up. Next I might just double stack my o's, nO?
Happy 11 White History Months
My dad probably can't beat up your dad anymore.
thinks that it's no coincidence that there are no z's in insomnia.
A bunch of pro bowlers played a football game last night... wow, what an impressive bunch of two-sport athletes!
I like rice,,,especially when I'm in the mood for like 2000 of something...
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it... turns out that is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.
wearing his ninja shirt today. It has ninjas all over it, but most people just think it's a blank shirt.
Like if you thought you hit "Tab" and you typed your password at the Username tab for everyone to see!
Kate Middleton has asked the Queen for advice on her marriage and the Queen said "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off."
Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't, they'd be married too.
Men in 20's play football, men in 30's play cricket and men in their 40's play Golf. Have you noticed the older the men the smaller the balls?
All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!
My girlfriend is still mad at me because I called her fat last month! Well, you know what they say... Elephants never forget. 