Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The older I get, the older old is.

   don't want FOP Damn it, I'm a Dapper Dan Man!

   We live in the W.T.F generation = W-wikipedia T-twitter F-facebook ;)

   Wikileaks latest release: Wikileaks latest release: Up-Up, Down-Down, Left-Right, Left-Right, B-A, START.

   You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.

   Try something spontaneous today. Like combustion.

   Do you ever get half way through eating a horse and think to yourself, “I'm not as hungry as I thought I was.”

   Bleeched blonde hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man.

   In my opinion,nobody needs a girlfriend or boyfriend untill they get married...

   Either I made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

   Q: What do you call a Packers fan holding a bottle of champagne after the Super Bowl? A: Waiter.

   Super Bowl Sunday is always followed by National Call Into Work Sick Day.

   ╔═══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ═══════════════╗ ♥ SEX, ALCOHOL & FOOTBALL - IT'S SUPER BOWL WEEKEND!!!!!!!! ♥ ╚═══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ═══�

   My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.

   I went to the chemist and said, "I'd like some deodorant please." The woman said, "Is it the ball deodorant you want?" I said, "No, underarm."

   I've just had a tattoo done on my arse which says, "If you're reading this, we're in prison."

   I always thought visiting Egypt would be fun. Now I hear it's a RIOT!!

   Black History Month reminded me that Peanut Butter was invented by a black guy...I Assume "Chunky" was in reference to his White Girlfriend...

   The wife is playing Wii table tennis and screaming at the TV. The kids are hiding in their room. LMAO!

   Dear Protesting Egyptians: Please do not destroy the pyramids. We will not rebuild. Sincerely, the Jews