Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When being chased by police, you're best chance is to throw the passenger out the window. They will most likely stop for them, so you can get away.
←Rate | 04-03-2011 01:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, Don't blame me, I voted for the white dude!
←Rate | 04-03-2011 01:01 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a cowgirl...and you can be my cowboy...but only if you wear levis..cus wranglers strangle the boys
←Rate | 04-03-2011 00:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out that if you bake ice cream it does NOT make ice cream cake
←Rate | 04-02-2011 22:50 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty Fry for a Rice guy.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 22:41 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎90 people have swine flu(H1N1), and everyone wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom
←Rate | 04-02-2011 22:39 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon If politicians are the answer, then it must have been a damn stupid question
←Rate | 04-02-2011 22:38 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said 'Laughter is a medicine with no side effects' obviously never pee'd themselves from laughing
←Rate | 04-02-2011 22:37 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon I refuse to jump on the 'I hate Mondays' bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
←Rate | 04-02-2011 22:36 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon when a stripper asks you to beat the hard level on angry birds you DO IT!!!!!
←Rate | 04-02-2011 22:35 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you spare the rod and you spoil the child"... More like if you spare the rod, there is no child.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 21:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon whiskey: the official beverage of the FML
←Rate | 04-02-2011 20:03 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going clubbing. ok, it's just to Sam's Club, but I'm trying to make it more glam.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 20:02 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ohhh! who lives in the kitchen, chained to the sink? Sponge mom sweatpants!
←Rate | 04-02-2011 20:00 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon doing laundry. nothing says "I love you" like clean underwear.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 19:59 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon The "b" in the word "subtle" sure is dumb.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 19:57 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon People think smoking is hard to quit......but new statistics show that it aint s#it compared to quitting Facebook
←Rate | 04-02-2011 19:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone throws a stone at you...Throw a flower at them,,just make sure its still in the pot ;p
←Rate | 04-02-2011 19:54 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon umm I don't consider that a one night stand... That was a audition..
←Rate | 04-02-2011 19:53 by Destiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have to wake me up to ask to borrow something, the answer is hell no.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 19:51 by Destiny Comments (0)  




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