Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5092 of 6446

When being chased by police, you're best chance is to throw the passenger out the window. They will most likely stop for them, so you can get away.
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04-03-2011 01:19
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Hey, Don't blame me, I voted for the white dude!
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04-03-2011 01:01 by Destiny
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I'm a cowgirl...and you can be my cowboy...but only if you wear levis..cus wranglers strangle the boys
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04-03-2011 00:49
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Just found out that if you bake ice cream it does NOT make ice cream cake
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04-02-2011 22:50 by Destiny
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I'm pretty Fry for a Rice guy.
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04-02-2011 22:41 by Destiny
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90 people have swine flu(H1N1), and everyone wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom
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04-02-2011 22:39 by Destiny
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If politicians are the answer, then it must have been a damn stupid question
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04-02-2011 22:38 by Destiny
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Whoever said 'Laughter is a medicine with no side effects' obviously never pee'd themselves from laughing
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04-02-2011 22:37 by Destiny
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I refuse to jump on the 'I hate Mondays' bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
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04-02-2011 22:36 by Destiny
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when a stripper asks you to beat the hard level on angry birds you DO IT!!!!!

"If you spare the rod and you spoil the child"... More like if you spare the rod, there is no child.
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04-02-2011 21:39
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whiskey: the official beverage of the FML
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04-02-2011 20:03 by Destiny
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Going clubbing. ok, it's just to Sam's Club, but I'm trying to make it more glam.
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04-02-2011 20:02 by Destiny
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Ohhh! who lives in the kitchen, chained to the sink? Sponge mom sweatpants!
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04-02-2011 20:00 by Destiny
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doing laundry. nothing says "I love you" like clean underwear.
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04-02-2011 19:59 by Destiny
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The "b" in the word "subtle" sure is dumb.
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04-02-2011 19:57 by Destiny
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People think smoking is hard to quit......but new statistics show that it aint s#it compared to quitting Facebook
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04-02-2011 19:56
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If someone throws a stone at you...Throw a flower at them,,just make sure its still in the pot ;p
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04-02-2011 19:54 by Destiny
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umm I don't consider that a one night stand... That was a audition..
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04-02-2011 19:53 by Destiny
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If you have to wake me up to ask to borrow something, the answer is hell no.
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04-02-2011 19:51 by Destiny
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