cj Funny Status Messages

   I bet Bin laden now reqrets letting his Facebook "Check In" at his current location

   If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my a$$!!

   Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the Husband, sharks for the husbands mother.

   My blood type is Dutch Bros.

   I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine!

   Dear Customers, Yes, we are making fun of you in Vietnamese. Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies!!

   Happy Wife = Happy Life

   I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes”

   LOVE ~ It's a special kind of stupid.....

   BEER!!!! now cheaper than gas...DRINK......DON'T DRIVE!!!!!

   Somewhere out there, someone's grandma's recipe for dill bread reads ".. allow dill dough to rise".

   No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

   One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

   If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, "keep away from children."

   Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children.

   My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

   When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

   Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

   BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

   Just got my confirmation! I'm on the guest list for Charlie Sheen's Brews, Blow & Hoe's party.