lemonpillow Funny Status Messages
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I think it's funny when someone updates their status with a depressing quote or about something bad that happened, and then people “like” it. The “like” button has become used more than a gas station bathroom.
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When I was a little girl, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.
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I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-gf and me. After all, I'm a Gemini and she's a b*tch.
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Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance . Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair . Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage . Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
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Physicists have yet to explain why 200 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only three registers will be open
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The good thing about multiple personalities is that if you collect enough of them you're prepared for any situation
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I raised the alarm at work today.The midgets were furious.
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Womens football. If it isn't raining I'm just not interested.
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I was watching some trailers at my local cinema when to my surprise a movie came on.
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Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
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forgot to buy candy for the kids this Halloween but will offer them a bite of her sandwich.
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...warns you this Halloween to beware of strangers bearing strange tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, and band saws.
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This Halloween, I'll be handing out those little tiny candy bars. I think they're called bite-me sized.
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This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.
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You always get what you pay for. Nothing proves this more than toliet paper.
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My boss questioned my enthusiasm today. I can't believe he woke me up just to tell me that.
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God created man before woman... but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.
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Always smile in the morning. It will make people wonder what you did the night before.
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Don't worry about what other people think because they rarely ever do.
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