Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3 of 6451

If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
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08-15-2025 06:23
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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
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08-15-2025 06:23
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It turns out as you get older you don’t actually figure anything out, you just don’t have the energy to care anymore.
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08-15-2025 01:58
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Whoever is controlling me at this game sucks ...
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08-13-2025 14:22
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Today's tip: Never accept a drink from a urologist.
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08-13-2025 06:15
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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to social media?
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08-12-2025 06:20
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My home security system is a series of paintings on the wall with all the eyes cut out.
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08-12-2025 06:18
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Cheer up! Someone somewhere is thinking about me naked.
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08-10-2025 10:07
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Rectal Grease complained to HR and now we’re not allowed to use nicknames at work anymore.
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08-10-2025 07:22
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Why do we change positions when it’s the same hole? I don’t understand golf at all.
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08-09-2025 14:01
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I've ordered and returned the same boomerang on Amazon for over a year now.

I have an open door policy at our house. You bring beer and I'll open the door.
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08-06-2025 06:28
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I bought a vinyl record yesterday called "Sounds Wasps make". When I got home and played it, I said to myself, “This doesn't sound anything like wasps." Then I realised, I was playing the bee side.
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08-06-2025 06:26
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The Lone Ranger was camping with his sidekick when a windstorm blew their tent away. The Lone Ranger said, “Tonto, I have a feeling we’re not in canvas anymore.
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08-06-2025 06:25
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Buggs Bunny and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Buggs asks Elmer, “Is this whiskey?” Elmer replies, “Not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!”
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08-06-2025 06:23
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I bought a vintage Cadillac and developed a nasty cough. It was a Croup de Ville
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08-06-2025 06:22
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What train system connects Oyster Bay to Mussel Beach? Clamtrak.
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08-06-2025 06:19
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I think I'm the only person left that doesn’t vape or own a pair of crocs..
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08-06-2025 06:17
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Damn, I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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08-06-2025 06:15
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Some people say I'm missing a few screws. Truth is I lost the whole toolbox.
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08-05-2025 15:29
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