Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Prophecy class canceled due to unforeseen circumstances.

   I don’t date anymore I just foster women until they find their forever homes

   It's so cold outside, I saw a guy in the ghetto pull his pants up.

   accidentally put my phone in airplane mode and my front door blew off

   What do you call 100 sheep rolling down a hill A lambslide

   "When one door closes, another one opens"! -Boeing

   I'm so old that I remember when the only fake news was the National Enquirer.

   I rescued a cow from a slaughterhouse today. I named it Jake from Steak Farm.

   We should have a national quiet day where everyone just shuts up for 24 hours.

   Cant' wait for the Bidens sentencing day.

   People's driving skills got me looking both ways at green lights!

   Shiny, pointy nipples! Oh, sorry, Facebook wanted to know what was on my mind

   The world would be a much better place if everyone grew vegetables instead of electing them.

   Can't hardly wait for tRumps sentencing day... 😆

   Sometimes I don't feel like going to work... But then I remember I was born cute, not rich.

   Pagw 250

   If you buy all your horse tack from Amazon is it considered a Mail-Order Bridle?

   January

   Getting married is like going to the restaurant. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that...

   Kids these days will never know the pain not being able to see a movie because they are all rented out.