Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   completely misunderstood pride month. who wants to buy 15 lions

   Congrats you survived pandemic by getting your shots so your reward is World War III

   Pharrell Williams put out a fire on Kim Kardashian’s dress this week. Dude is really taking that Smokey the Bear hat of his to heart.

   There's a fine line between crazy & free spirited and it's usually a prescription.

   .Everyday I live in constant fear that Columbia House is going to send the repo man to get the LP's I never paid for back in 1973-75.

   Oh Snap..Gonna miss the Oscars again. That will make 50 yrs. in a row now.

   I wonder what the part of my brain that used to remember phone numbers is up to these days.

   China into Taiwan next. You heard it here first.

   An obese orange man just called Putin a genius. If that doesn't seems unpatriotic to you, then nothing will.

   Nobody likes a shady beach.

   Sorry friend, but your latest post didn't gargle Zuckerberg's balls.

   When someone tells me a joke and I don't get it, I just say, "Ooh, man. Too soon."

   Music is the universal language. Humor is the universal salve.

   You might say I am a Social Influencer. Well, OK. I'm a bad influence but still....

   Well, well, well, Trump is siding with Putin once again. Lovers in a dangerous time.

   A couple bad apples in a bunch doesn't mean that the whole bunch is bad.

   I got to face the facts. My orange loser will never darken the doors of the white house ever again. Not even as a tourist.

   It is said that every day is a gift. Can I get a copy of the receipt so I can exchange it for something else?

   What if they close all the grocery stores and we have to go back to hunting for our food? I don't even know where Twinkies live...

   They say do what you do best. Stripper pole, here I come.