Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Marriage tip: Your wife values honesty. So if your wife asks you if her best friend is prettier than her, just say yes. Your wife will value and appreciate your opinion, and she will love you more for it.
←Rate | 05-08-2024 10:44 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's only a matter of time until "Security Cameras of Walmart" is a hit reality show.
←Rate | 05-07-2024 06:00 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's how I define marriage: Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
←Rate | 05-06-2024 06:04 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone asks "Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me"? Come prepared! Keep a banana lodged in the depths of your underwear, pull in out and say "It's just a banana. I'm never happy to see you"!
←Rate | 05-05-2024 07:57 by Jas Comments (0)  


   messageicon That awkward moment when you realize even Hitler found his soulmate, yet you can't even seem to find that last bag of potato chips in the cabinet.
←Rate | 05-05-2024 07:51 by Jas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the grocery store today and the cashier said my total was $208.47. I wanted a second opinion so I went to self checkout and my new total was $43.20.
←Rate | 05-05-2024 06:06 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just realized why this month is called May. It may rain, it may snow, it may be 70 degrees or it may be 20 degrees.
←Rate | 05-04-2024 05:37 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ask you , who Hasn't drank a bottle of fireball then went down the park slide naked at least once your honor ?
←Rate | 05-02-2024 18:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can handle most things in life. But hearing someone chew their food is not one of them.
←Rate | 05-02-2024 09:51 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout-out to everyone lying in bed just scrolling on their phone.
←Rate | 05-01-2024 10:09 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever meet a girl that admits she's wrong, apologizes, and changes her ways, dump her because she might be a man. Women don't do that.
←Rate | 04-30-2024 09:54 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon she is never yours, its just your turn.
←Rate | 04-28-2024 18:23 by Darkharbinger Comments (0)  


   messageicon All these galaxies and planets and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.
←Rate | 04-28-2024 05:54 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your phone dies and you realize you're jealous
←Rate | 04-26-2024 17:58 by Darkharbinger Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm very angry because I wasn't wearing my glasses at the store and I bought curry powder instead of the saffron I needed. I'll make use of it; I'm just mad about saffron.
←Rate | 04-26-2024 17:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Likes his own stuff and not funny
←Rate | 04-26-2024 16:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive.
←Rate | 04-26-2024 06:01 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those who dismiss progressive rock as being pretentious are most likely part of the crowd that only knows 3 chords.
←Rate | 04-24-2024 17:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bugs Bunny won't accept files through Google Drive. He'll only accept a WhatsApp doc.
←Rate | 04-24-2024 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are people who think the moon landings were staged, the holocaust never happened and the earth is flat. Yet they hang on every word on the message found inside a fortune cookie.
←Rate | 04-24-2024 03:40 Comments (0)  




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