Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only Catholic announcements I’m interested in this week are St. Patrick’s Day Bar specials.

   You know your country is in trouble when Afghanistan sends $50,000 in aid.

   there some unwritten rule that Interstate construction needs to last 30 years?

   Next time the bank calls me to tell me I’m overdrawn, I’m gonna tell them “We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it”.

   There is no such thing as men's clogs.

   Have you ever gotten half way through eating a horse and thought .. Hmm maybe I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was ?

   Folks crying about $4 a gallon gas while in line for $6 coffee.

   Million Dollar Idea: Dinosaur Chicken Nuggets that may cause drowsiness.

   A new Lego store opened in my town. People were really excited about it. They were lined up for blocks.

   Don't ask me how to change your clock. My Betamax has been blinking midnight since 1983.

   "Taco Bell is still open. I just ate lunch there." - Vladimir B. Putin

   I'm so sick of hearing about how high gas prices are, think of something else to cry & make a meme of.

   My car was on E I put $20 in it now it's on E+

   I went into business with my parents and siblings. Our tagine is "Dysfunctional Family Owned and Operated."

   Teachers: Want to motivate your students? When you give them back a failed test, staple a Burger King application to it.

   I'm gone to tell my little brother, that he should also pay a visit this weblog on regular basis to take updated from most recent gossip.|

   A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands...

   You know it’s time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley.

   I'll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way??

   Stupid kid fell in the well again. -if Lassie had been a cat