Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

   A very big shout out to all those people who wrote the answers in our textbooks, when we were in school.

   My favorite state to visit? Unconsciousness

   The phrase "bang for your buck" isn't what I thought it was.

   6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

   Global warming won't kill us. The zombie apocalypse is a different story.

   People who don't swear haven't had the right food and sex.

   Daaaay-oh! Monday come and me wan go home...

   The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone to blame it on.

   You’d think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week.

   As a teen: hiding in the shed, secretly drinking. As a dad: hiding in the shed, secretly drinking.

   Gonna start lying about my age by adding 20 years so everyone tells me how good I look for my age.

   Women drinking coffee. My three favorite things.

   I honestly think we are asking too much of cauliflower.

   Every dang time I'm about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up. .

   Bikers: Representing the 3rd guy from the left on the evolutionary chart throughout modern history.

   I know not with what weapons WW3 will be fought, but WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones.

   Gas prices have got everybody driving they're on probation: Straight to work and then strait home.

   you know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?

   My generation had Wonder Woman. Your generation has to Wonder if it's a Woman.