Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Will Smith's marriage is open to everything except jokes.

   It's a good thing Chris Rock didn't make a joke about Alec Baldwin's wife.

   Will Smith is the new Rick James..WHAT THE FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE ?..SLAP !

   Will Smith, I'm not impressed. Tupac would have shot him.

   When someone in the administration has to CONSTANTLY walk back Brandon's statements it should be crystal clear to everyone that Brandon is not the one making policy decisions. . .

   Spring is here so that means I'm over my seasonal depression and can go back to my regular depression.

   There's a problem with Kinect for X-Box... If I wanted to use my entire body to play sports... I would just play sports.

   I was in a porno movie once. I played the role of the husband who left for work before the pool boy showed up.

   Adult videos gives young people an unrealistic idea of how fast a plumber will come to your house.

   Dear W0KE, jerk-offs: I'm a wh¡te, heterose×ual, Christian male who owns a business and more importantly, knows to mind his own business. I suggest you do the same.

   You think the world-wide pandemic was bad? Wait until the world-wide food shortage starts! It's all about control...

   Don't accept a friend request from Dan Druff. I hear he's a bit flaky!

   Can’t party the way I used too. Two rounds of Pin the Tail on the Donkey and I’m whipped.

   there a rehab for gossiping? I don't need it, but I'll tell you who does

   I came home today to find my wife has been on Ebay all day long... If she's still on there tomorrow, I'd have to lower the price.

   Just Once i’d like to see a Shark wearing a People Tooth Necklace

   If vampires drink too much blood do they get a fangover

   I’ve got to think of a way to get off this planet by tomorrow

   what's everyone's favorite gas price? mine is $2.29

   The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the street the crap is placed.