Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Now that the statues are down, tell us how your life has improved. Take your time, I’ll wait.

   If I die, don’t let me vote for Biden.

   Papa Bear: Read the part again where she burns her whore mouth on my porridge.

   It’s okay to be sad after making the right decision.

   When you find out he can cook, has correct grammar and runs a meme page. (next thing I knew, I was pregnant)

   It’s nice outside, I think I’ll go sit on the patio. (1207 mosquitos like this)

   Yeah drugs are cool, but have you ever had ice water at 2:00am?

   It took you 15 minutes to get home, google maps says it takes 12. Who is she?

   When you click “accept cookies” but then you don’t get any cookies.

   Dog 1 to dog 2: “Once in a while, pretend like you hear something they don’t…. it drives them crazy!”

   Her: He’s probably thinking about other girls. Him: Ahhhhh…French Vanilla Rocky Road! Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Cookie Dough! Scoop, there it is! Scoop, there it is! Scoop, there it is! Annnnnnnd…. SPRINKLES!

   Regular unleaded: Willie Nelson, Plus unleaded: Snoop Dog, Supreme unleaded: Hunter Biden

   An old-fashioned candy necklace, but with tums and ibuprofen.

   NOTHING PERSONAL, BUT IF I SEE SOMEONE WEARING A WWE WRESTLING SHIRT, I AUTOMATICALLY DEDUCT 50 IQ POINTS .

   We see that it's the same person that posted 20 post I a row andpost and liked it 5 times in a row and like everyone they posted 5 times just to get a like..

   4 o’clock and all is Welp.

   Was stung by a bee, guess what happened? That’s right, a Welp.

   Generic Viagra. Same medicine at a lower price. No bones about it.

   Do you remember Jan. 6th last year? Yeah, 2.19 a gallon.

   Al Capone did less damage to Chicago than Lori Lightfoot.