Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Reach ~ as high as you can, and then a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility… and maybe even cookies.

   The Poet: Why do you write? he asked. So, I can take my love for you and give it to the world, I reply. Because you won’t take it from me.

   Have you ever been so mad that you were calm?

   LGBTQ: Liquor, Guns, Bacon, Tits and Quicksand.

   Love ~ Giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to.

   Hangry ~ A state of anger caused by lack of food.

   I think I finally found a diet that's really working for me! That's called The Rsing Cost Of Food.

   SELLING MY CAR FOR GAS MONEY .... INQUIRE WITHIN

   The War on Drugs only resulted in more drugs. The War on Terrorists only resulted in more terrorists. Maybe we should have a war on Baby Formula.

   Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.

   All of us: Ministry of “truth”, inflation, supreme court leak, border crisis, war. Mainstream Media: “Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard.”

   Dear leftists, you just spent the last two years fighting against the concept of body autonomy, take it down a notch.

   the FBI going to raid the house of the reporter who published the Alito opinion? Or is that just reserved for the reporters who got Ashley Biden’s diary.

   My mortgage identifies as a student loan.

   How can you stand for woman’s rights while allowing men to dominate woman’s sports?

   It’s impossible to plug in my genderless extension cord.

   If you wore a mask for two years, you can wear a condom for sex.

   Someone living in their grandmother’s basement used to be the butt of the joke. The rental market is so insane that now it’s like, dam, you’ve got a whole basement to yourself, that’s sexy.

   Her: The fences need painting and the car needs washing. Him: Kids! Who wants to learn karate.

   Pizzas are like dildos.. Just get a large, you'll get it all inside you eventually