Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’

   Women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

   Home Schooling question: Does having your kid fix you mixed drinks count as chemistry?

   Recent studies have shown that dogs don't actually have a fear of fireworks. Their reactions are based on their being upset at not being able to shoot off their own.

   Showing too much cleavage makes you look like an ass.

   In the US, we call it "Alt Right" In Germany, the call it, "Why grandpapa lives in Argentina"

   Women are like dog doo. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

   Dear FB Model wannabe. You are hotter than the sun, but let's face it... you're nowhere nearly as bright.

   A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

   The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

   Asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

   Disney announces new 2022 LGBTQ+ clothing line for kids.

   It’s not Musk’s yet: Twitter unveils new censorship tools.

   There is no plan to eliminate student debt. There is a plan to transfer that debt to those that don’t owe it.

   Tesla kicked out of S&P 500’s ESG Index, never saw that coming.

   Woman makes misconduct claim against Elon Musk, like clockwork.

   If Biden is the answer, how stupid is the question?

   The left in charge of every branch of power and the economy is tanking. Biden, I’d like to take a moment to blame the right.

   One of us is right and the other one is you.

   Corn Pop beat Joe Biden with a chain, c’mon man.