Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Jesus kidnapped my girlfriend's brain.

   The sprite from McDonald’s could probably fry some chicken

   DONT TOUCH THIS” has got to be the scariest thing to read in braille

   Have you ever wondered how stupid people knew they were being stupid before the slap to the back of the head was invented?

   why is it that we Park in a Driveway and Drive in a Parkway?

   I saved my husband's life insurance company $500,000 dollars by switching to xanax.

   I hate being bi-polar. It's really awesome.

   I'm Sychic and I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking I spelled psychic wrong.

   Harvesting work from paperclips

   Zero by dividing.