Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   one million dollars away from being a millionaire

   has just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself.

   no more Farmville, Cafeworld or Sorority Life! I will cage your animals, spray your crops, burn your cafe and pimp your sorority girl!!!

   Round-trip airfare from San Diego to Minneapolis - $335; checking a suitcase - $25; Dr. Pepper & Peanuts - $6.50; WiFi - now free; Checking your Facebook page and over-shooting the airport by 150 miles instead of landing the jet airliner - JOBLESS !!!

   I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos

   Helen Keller once said "Gahhgrrr berkic dahhh errr waa waa!".... It's as true today as it has ever been

   trying to put m&m's in alphabetical order...This could take a while...

   does't care what anybody says, there is just something fundamentally awesome about sporks

   wishes people would wear pants correctly!

   's laugh is so contagious they created a vaccine for it

   ~ Telepath wanted...you know where to apply.

   says "If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie."

   has advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

   says my Karma just ran over my Dogma!

   Thinks artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

   's keys are really good at hide and go seek,they are definitely winning.

   loves giving home made gifts... so which one of the kids you want?

   thinks nanotechnology is going to be huge.

   used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got her fired.

   thinks the best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.