Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Thank you Gym for being like my Grandmother...Always there for me, even though I only visit you twice a year.

   STOP TRYING TO TALK LIKE LIL WAYNE AND DRAKE RAP!!!! Youre all just making yourselves sound like illiterate retards. Youre not Lil wayne and your not Drake, so why dont you do what Drake says and DO YOU!!!!

   The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music

   just had my vision checked. My hindsight was 20/20. My foresight is legally blind

   doesn't have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without it!

   knew she was nuts when squirrels started looking at her funny!

   ☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:.☆

   If you can read this, you need to stop stalking me on facebook

   was considering an all-vegetarian diet but it turns out you are not allowed to hunt vegetarians

   says "If Heat Rises, Surely Heaven is Hotter Than Hell"

   I'm not perfect but parts of me are excellant!

   the first 100 years of marriage are the hardest

   was born in the state of confusion and is living in denial.

   You have the right to remain silent, because whatever you say will probally be stupid !!

   needs a new fitness plan... LMAO is not making my pants fit any better

   trying to decide whether Scooby Snacks or a can of Popeye's spinach would help more in a fight

   Breaking news - snow white has been thrown out of Disneyland after sitting on Pinocchio's face singing "tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies"

   walking sideways and thinking..... I should have had a V8

   a four time olympic gold medal winner, and a compulsive liar

   refuses to vacuum anymore until they make a ride-on