Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Think you're having a bad day? I sneezed while taking a piss this morning...

   Some older ladies wear red hats and meet to have lunch.

   Fuel prices are so high under the Biden administration, he is now suggesting we fart on our wallets for gas money.

   I want to play a video game but there's no channel 3 on my computer. That's how old I am.

   I sure have purchased an inordinate amount of ringtones, for someone who keeps their phone on Silent.

   What idiot called him Frosty the Snowman and not Bill Brrrr?

   Johnny Depp would have made an excellent Catwoman.

   I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there’s no point in bothering with hash browns then.

   Boy, I’m gonna treat you like a curling iron. Turn you on. Get you all hot. Forget about you. Leave for work. And burn the house down.

   big chungus edp sans fortnite funny big chungus mr krabs youtube channel

   Fun fact: Taking a box of condoms to the pharmacist’s window and asking for the fitting room will get you thrown out of Target.

   I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through Columbia behind a donkey.

   Don't you love that moment when you're cutting wrapping paper and the scissors start to glide.

   BREAKING NEWS: no paper towels were thrown by a president in a disaster area today.

   The current Employee shortage is so bad that Long Haired Freaky People can now apply.

   "Love is finishing each other's sentences” - Jeffrey Epstein & Ghislaine Maxwell :)

   Currently arguing with my toddler over how to spell the letter “A” if you’re thinking about having kids

   As your sugar daddy I will provide you with a 40% discount on all your future insulin purchases

   I am only one bad decision away from selling pictures of my feet covered in cookie dough to strangers on the internet.

   I think Christmas is cats favorite holiday. A big tree to climb on complete with all kinds of things that you can whap onto the floor.