Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Getting shot is my 2nd amendment right.

   These mask mandates just made ventriloquism a lot easier.

   We lost our culture around the time we stopped smoking Marlboro Reds and started vaping strawberry cheesecake.

   Remember when we treated the flu with chicken soup, saltines and tea instead of commmunism?

   “Buy a man eat fish, the day, teach man, to life time.” ~ Joe Biden

   Bacon is the highest it’s ever been, car dealerships have no new vehicles, 200,000 houses are now 450,000 and grocery store shelves are empty half the time. Things are going so well right now. Thanks, Joe.

   Are the double maskers going to start yelling at the single maskers?

   If I have to wear a mask to protect your health, I’m gonna slap that McDonald’s outta your hands too.

   Masks are the new bra. They’re uncomfortable; you only wear them in public, and when you don’t wear one, everyone notices.

   I spend 90% of my time online waiting for password reset emails

   it me, or does Mike Lindell look like Paul Bearer from WWE?

   I had a dream that I got a job with Lynyrd Skynyrd, and then I woke up. I didn't even make it to my first live show.

   If somebody has a 50 gallon barrel for rainwater please PM me, but I'm not going to pick it up because I don't need it.

   I support full facial nudity.

   If my call is that important to them, why do I have to listen to Air Supply for 20 minutes before they answer?

   What I learned from Gilligan's Island: You can go camping for five years wearing a pair of white pants and they will still look brand new.

   Five years investigating Trump’s taxes and Biden owes 500k. Lol

   Jeremiah was and still is a bullfrog, but he has never caught a rabbit and he certainly aint no friend of mine.

   If she spits on her hot-dog before eating it, you are in for a treat my man.

   I hate when we go on a weekend trip and my wife forgets to pack her vagina.