Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   likes huge ( . )Y( . )

   duct tape is like violence: If it's not working, you're not using enough of it.

   marriage? no thanks I can't mate in captivity.

   You don't have to change much to change everything.

   The first person who milked a cow... wtf were they doing there?

   If your having facial spasms I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a twitch aint one.

   not an actor on TV but is one in real life.

   ,"for god so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son,that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."JOHN 3:16

   campaigning early... 'Anyone Else 2012'

   Bloody speed cameras are a complete con. Not only do the photos take about five weeks to arrive, but they cost £75 a picture.

   wonders...If 7-11 is open 24hrs a Day, 365 Days a year......Why are there locks on the door?

   : If Blind people wear Dark Glasses...why don't Deaf people wear Earmuffs?

   It's my birthday and I'll lie if I want to.

   hoping to be abducted on Monday and set free on Friday...I know its a pretty wishful thinking.

   running with scissors and eating paste

   was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.

   says two fools make a moron, two morons make an imbecile, two imbeciles make an idiot and two idiots make a marriage.

   Ex-wife For Sale...Just take over payment.

   I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get divorced I keep the house.

   made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.