Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ...Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...

   ...They called it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken....

   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

   ... This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting...

   waited patiently in line for 'free willy', only to discover it was a film!

   such a thrill seeker. when I see "caution wet floor" signs, I speed up.

   single...and you're going to have to be freakin' awesome to change that!!

   doing the Helen Keller and talking with her hips.

   happy that the Statute of Limitations has finally expired, and he can finally admit that he is, in fact, the one who let the dogs out.

   leting his eye lashes hug each other for few hours.

   pondering some of life's great mysteries. Like, why are we here?, is there life on Mars? and why doesn't Donald duck wear pants?

   Feeling a little groggy today. I think my check-engine light has come on.

   watching the biggest loser and eating oreos

   hoping that she remebers last nite cause I dont.

   loves to read status updates like "I'm really bored" and "I'm at work right now". Good stuff. Keep me posted...thanks!

   FREE TIBET! *Offer only valid with purchase of another Tibet of equal or greater value. Void where prohibited"

   can't find Tom on facebook.

   not shy -- I'm studying my prey.

   give me what I want, and no one gets hurt

   feels used and unwanted, like the two chocolate halves of an Oreo cookie after someone has already licked the cream out of them.