Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Erectile disfunction commercials make watching TV with your parents akward!!!
←Rate | 04-28-2010 17:55 by @daddybullfrog Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes acupuncture is an "ancient technique." Other "ancient techniques" included leeches and dying from plague. I'm good with drugs thanks.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:11 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon People's cellphone ringtones say a lot about them. Usually they say, "I'm mystified by this phone settings."
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if pediatricians and children's dentists play miniature golf on Wednesdays...
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:12 by dfotravels Comments (0)  


   messageicon Interesting Factoid: Tall people earn $789 per year per inch more than shorter people.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Carry yourself like a queen and you'll attract a king. Carry yourself like a hoe and see how far you'll go.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you get mad at someone and push them down the stairs make sure it's the DOWN escalator...or you'll be there all day.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got my Sketcher shape-ups now I'm gonna get in shape without ever going to the gym
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:48 by @daddybullfrog1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon never do anything you wouldnt want to explain to the paramedics
←Rate | 04-28-2010 19:02 by love Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies - Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies (diapers).
←Rate | 04-28-2010 19:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon your so vain I bet you think this status is about you
←Rate | 04-28-2010 20:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 20:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blaming a Happy Meal your kid is too fat, is like suing a gym for losing weight.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 20:31 by one Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could never own a Jaguar because I'm embarrassed to pronounce it like the D-Bags that own them do.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 21:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just decided I want a bunch of kids with several baby mamas, so my children will all look different and I can match em' with my wardrobe
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:03 by one Comments (1)  


   messageicon thinks that it is insane that I need a background check to adopt a puppy but any moron can have a baby...
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:26 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:26 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe this world is another planet's hell...
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:28 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:29 by Joser Comments (0)  




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