Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I drink everyday that ends in “y”, I sleep everyday that ends in “y' I wish I could say the same about sex!

   People are posting all their feelings on facebook; well you wanna know what I'm feeling… I don't wanna hear about your sh*t!!!

   When in doubt, mumble.

   Just realized how sad it is when people watch reality tv rather than going out and having a reality!

   Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.

   Time flies when you throw your alarm clock across the room.

   I make serious coffee – so strong it wakes up the neighbors !!!!!!!!

   If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you... dumn*ss...

   I find Reality tv very educating... Every time somebody turns on a show, I go into the other room and read a book...

   Urban Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

   I like you... People say I've got no taste, but I like you...

   found out that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission...

   There's too much blood in my caffeine system...

   Don't be humble. You're not that great...

   1am... husband is snoring so loud I can't sleep! Tomorrow night I'm getting out the spray bottle and when he starts I'm giong to squirt him like a bad puppy! Yeah, I'll let you know that one turns out.

   throwing acid is wrong, in some peoples eyes!

   I cant stand people who look down on people that look down on people

   anyone else as shocked as I am that a relationship between a cage fighter named Tito and the world's most famous porn star ended with domestic assault and accusations of drug abuse?

   when I hear a person say "My Mom didn't raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"

   Jeff Gordon vs. Jimmie Johnson...I love it when DIVA's fight!!