Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   knows he was unwanted as a child when he found his bath toys were a radio and a toaster!

   in trouble for moving all the bibles to the fiction section at Barnes 'N Noble

   an appetite for destruction...and he is starving this week

   may have Memory Loss but, at least he doesn't have Memory Loss

   two wrongs don't make a right... but two Wrights make an airplane!

   wants to say to the nice stranger he saw while driving around, "Next time you wave at me, use all of your fingers."

   wants to Google her Myspace while she Twitters my Yahoo.

   and Richard Simmons are now friends

   informing you that 95% of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5% that would shout Jump!!

   to all the wackos who believe in global warming try coming to Idaho in the middle of March..It'll snow

   needs a Facebook button that says "What you just posted makes me want to stab you."

   wishes he could throw magic dust on my problems to make them disappear. Like a wizard. Or a crack addict.

   now listed as single but in a relationship,its complicated.

   Change is inevitable... Unless your a vending machine

   walked into a shop this morning when the woman working said "if you need anything, I'm Jill". I haven't met anyone with a conditional identity before.

   tired of following his dreams, he/she is just gonna ask where they are going and hook up with them later

   needs a Facebook button that says "What you just posted makes me want to punch you in the face." Put it beside the "Like" button. Just a suggestion.

   knows that your husband isn't realy taking tennis lessons on Sundays...

   not the empire but I still strike back...

   vertically challenged