Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Two mancode violations to report this week: caught a guy reading his horoscope out loud to his friends, and caught wind at work that one of my friends rode on the back of another guy's motorcycle. Flagrant.

   Does anybody else feel the intense awkwardness when a woman doesn't choose the iron in a game of Monopoly?

   hates allergy season!!! currently OD'ing on Allegra

   I'm having trouble sleeping. I guess i'd better get up from under my desk and get some work done.

   An elephant to a naked man 'how do you breath through that thing'

   Ever wonder if you ordered something online, forget what you ordered and get mad because it still hasn't came yet?

   still mad at my friend for stealing my Tom & Jerry Poster! Grow up!!"

   was listening to the word abolishionist today used in the news, so I invented a new word that I am....an "Obamalishonist"...... me likey soooo much !! LOL

   Did anybody ever end up getting Jay-Z a what what? I think he also asked for a woop woop.

   We need to have a man to man talk! Well if not man to man, mustache to mustache at least

   "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...

   has done his bit for the environment today by switching to natural gas. It was the best bowl of beans I've had in a while.

   I'm way too cool for you boy, that's why it will never work...

   You would think when you offer someone gum they would take it, but no some don't...maybe next time I can just hand them a toothbrush ad toothpaste and they will get the message!

   wondering why they call it Joy dish soap when people hate to wash the dishes?

   My wife is in the bathroom yelling "could smebody tell this bathroom scale that april's foolsday was last week" nd am thnkng thts scary!

   I'm so over hearing about Tiger and Jesse James. I think EVERYONE is just jealous that he was able to have all these women and get away with it for so long. Other sports figures and ploticians do this as well. They just haven't gotten caught yet!

   I got 99 problems but a mother f**king jay z ticket aint one of them.

   "They" are just mad because Obama's taking away things they've been getting away for years...excuse me, decades and that's.....GREED.

   So, Tiger and Jesse cheat and they have a sex addiction and need therapy, but a women has an affair, killes off her husband and she gets to be on Oxegen's SNAPPED!!!