Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   angry,she caught Chlamydia from a bicycle seat

   I would get your number but I already got it off the bathroom wall.

   Where is my balloon? I thought What ever goes up comes down!

   wondering if the I.R.S. will noticed she claimed A.I.G. and Obama's mother-in-law as dependents!

   making a sex tape and shooting up heroin with Miley Cyrus

   "when you listen to your Rice Krispies in reverse, you can hear the DEVIL telling you to steal Lucky's charms"

   would be high on Life, but she doesn't want to snort the milk.

   happy that his Judgement Day is not Today

   forgot to stop the Q-tip when their was resistence

   showing his colleagues your profile and they're all laughing at your picture.

   changed his profile picture. Now he looks a little less ugly.

   logged in and saw you logged in.Then I logged off and logged in 2 hours again - you were still logged in.Get A Life!OK yeah I was logged in all this time too.(feel shame)

   if I'm ever abducted by a group of hostile and they demand to meet my leader; I think I'll show them my wife

   if I'm ever abducted by a group of hostile aliens and they demand to see my leader; I think I'll show them my wife

   You win some, you loose some, but it's all good if you get some :)

   spinning in his new office chair so I am away, now I am back, away again and back.

   riding the ponies outside of Wallmart be back when I run out of quarters.

   thinks it is wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

   moving the furniture out of the room because the dog and I are going to breakdance battle...oh it is ON!!!!

   used to jog a mile everyday, then I found a shortcut...