Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   trying to convince the parents she is a responsible adult. So far it isn't an easy ride.

   in another castle:(sorry mario.)

   will be giving a live performance today...shower curtain goes up at 5 exactly so be there.

   not actually a Jedi and apoligies for scarying the children.

   ( . )Y( . )

   Never Ever Ever Play leap Frog with A Unicorn

   available in HD.....highly demented!!!!!

   Gone on a vacation with Satan

   not on speaking terms with his liver

   asks, "What do you get when you cross ketchup with wasabi? WASSUP!"

   wants you to read this status. Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now give me a hot dog!

   can't help but notice that fettucini alfredo is just fancy adult speak for macaroni and cheese.

   n. 1: An intelligent individual. 2: One who writes dictionary definitions of himself in an effort to look intelligent.

   secretly Ron Burgundy

   thinks it's pretty stupid that he can't remove his name from the status box here. I mean what kind of guy speaks of himself in third-person anyway? For real...

   over white knights on horses... Bring on the vampire in the volvo!!!

   went to Church the other day and when the plate came to him, he asked what it was for. The man said it was an Offering. So he took it.

   getting into shape; and the shape I have chosen is 'Triangle'.

   standing on his front lawn with his pants down waiting for Google Earth to come by and take his picture...

   not allowed to use metaphors anymore. It's like an applesauce sandwich trying to teabag a Yeti. Know what I mean?