Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A craving for some cookies 'n MILF

   When your children come up to you after a minor incident and say," This is the worst day of my life!!!" Just look at them.....smile......and say, "You haven't seen anything yet".

   Schizophrenic...and So am I

   just heard that today singer Ricky Martin came out as gay. In other surprising news:President Obama is black, the economy stinks and cigarettes are bad for you...

   They should make women wear red wrist bands at the club if they're on their period so the fellas will know if she's worth buying drinks for all night

   Looks Like Kate Goselin Is As Bad A Dancer As She Was Wife And Is A Mother. Jesus Stay Home Lady We Have Had Enough!

   hmm..could the bill be that bad..starting to wonder if its the bill or is it just Mr Obama they dont like..

   She Bangs, She Bangs...... Turns Out The Whole Time Ricky Martin Meant He Bangs, He Bangs....... Livin La Vida Loca Who Knew lol.

   Has just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs! :p

   Thinking to myself """"( why am I with her?....... O yeah, its the sex..."""")

   I hate when girls photoshop their pictures so much that black girls are actually white!

   dont trust anything that can bleed for five days and doesnt die...just sayin

   a little nervous today....i am having plastic surgery...gottta cut my credit cards up..and its gonna hurrrt ♥ ♥ thoughts and prayers please!!! :)

   a little voice inside of me that telling me to lose weight. I just shut him up with about 4 cookies.

   I'm a "person of interest"? Well,thank you very much, Officer.

   never knew Un Dos Tres were count of men. today ricky martin, tmrw jonas brothers!

   "Hi, I have a liberal arts degree. Would you like fries with that?"

   Women are amazing--they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

   f car insurance companies aren't going to give us our money back after each accident-free year, at the very least they should send us a freakin "Thank-You" card or something. Bunch of ungrateful pricks

   Stuffed animals - cute & cuddly to girls, punching bags to guys.