Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   compulsively obsessed with OCD

   My Love Life is currently like NCAA mens Basketball, Its down to the FINAL FOUR! But My Wife has the homecourt Advantage!

   trying to wipe with plastic wrap.

   a Great source of Protein

   now available with a bonus DVD; containing deleted scenes and 2 theatrical trailers

   a serial status changer....

   has found her favorite machine at the gym it's the vending machine!

   would give her right arm to be ambidextrous

   hungry as a hostage

   ROTFLMAOASTC

   saving a lot on his car insurance by fleeing the seen of the accident

   thinks when life hands me lemons, I think Great, more stuff to throw at the Raccoon that lives in my attic!

   going around the house and renaming things so they all start with an "i" before Apple does it... such as his iToaster, his iToilet, and his iKids and iWife

   taking the "What color are you?" quiz and the result is: Who gives a Toss!!!!

   has learned a lot from dogs: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down (I've really only applied the last to my life, however)

   says, "If you want something in life, you have to work hard for it... Now shut up! They're about to announce the winning lottery numbers!"

   just plain lucky *

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

   was denied adoption of a baby boy from Malawi =(

   on the limits of not going so well