Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My friend was too cheap to hire a proper butler. So he ended up with one with no left arm. Serves him right.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 12:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache." "It's a migraine," he explained. "No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"
←Rate | 05-25-2010 15:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..is already missing her time in Palermo. They had sunshine and sexy women. What does the U.K. haue? A week of summer and Susan Boyle.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 19:16 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon will be attending Sleep. Invited By : Mr Sandman.RSVP: Yes. Location: My Bed. Time: Now until 7 Am.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 20:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear about the Chinese parents who gave birth to a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong."
←Rate | 05-26-2010 03:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..is having a threesome with two men tonight : Ben &Jerry. x
←Rate | 05-27-2010 13:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes remember it the next day.
←Rate | 05-27-2010 14:57 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My journey of a thousand miles began with a single step. But I had the wrong shoes on and now i've gone back a few paces.
←Rate | 05-27-2010 20:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just said hey to Sarah Jessica Parker and she got really excited. She must have thought I meant hay.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 14:40 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ex-president Bush blamed BP for the disaster off the coast of Louisiana. Later he recanted saying "He thought BP stood for Black President."
←Rate | 05-29-2010 16:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does a coffin come with a life time guarantee?
←Rate | 05-29-2010 18:57 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, auditioning for the circus again.
←Rate | 05-30-2010 05:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the beach life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 13:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 16:05 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a dog and named him Stay. Poor thing gets confused when I call him "Come here,Stay!" "Come here,Stay!"
←Rate | 06-02-2010 10:26 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
←Rate | 06-02-2010 14:08 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 02:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that licking the back of a frog cures depression. The only problem is that once you stop,the frog gets depressed again.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 08:50 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving..
←Rate | 06-03-2010 15:07 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 15:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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