Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just passed a Leopluradon on his/her way to Candy Mountain

   bald, fat, Chinese, rich. Wanna goto the movie sometime?

   wants a snuggie made out of sham wow material

   needing to be kissed. And often. And by someone who knows how.

   so poor that he can't even pay attention

   swimming less than 30 minutes after a meal.

   In the chemistry lab, proving that ugliness is more than skin deep.

   poured his heart out, it evaporated....

   never fakes it!

   thinking about sex, every 15 nanoseconds.

   trying to get the taste of last night's date's mouth out of his mouth.

   nourishing his inner child with Cheetos and beer.

   the cause of your drinking problem.

   looking for nemo

   "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." -- Randy Pausch

   "insert clever remark here."

   Save a horse, ride the bus.

   blaming it on the rain.

   optimusly Primed

   will return after a brief word from our sponsors