Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Statistically 5/4 of peoplehave trouble with fractions.

   just received a coupon inthe mail: Buy one sock, get oneFREE! While socks last.

   I've always wondered iffilm directors wake up screaming"CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" whenthey have nightmares.

   believes that if you tellyour boss what you really thinkof him, the truth will set youfree.

   Dear Lord You have taken away my favourite actoress britney Murphy favourite Singer Mj and my favourite spokesman billy mays I just wanna say my favourite singer is lil wayne

   Men Fart more Than Women Simply Becasue Women Can't Shut Up Long Enough To Build Up The Required Pressure !!!

   practise safe lunch, use a condiment!

   I dont care what they say. I think my third nipple is very attractive.

   I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

   If men really wrote answered facebook question ; What's on your mind? Facebook would be like a pornsite

   If men honestly answered the facebook question: What's on your mind? Facebook would be like a pornsite

   I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an a$$hole?"

   Tiger Woods and Toyota should team up for a comeback and their moto should be "I swear we can stop!"

   How do you make a bunch of old ladies say "F*CK!". Shout "BINGO!".

   Badder then your Ex and Better then your next

   thinks the GOP's new nickname, the party of "No" is perfect....they have no ideas, no brains, no balls, no candidates worth a damn', and no history of success.

   To my fb friends that are addicted to farmvillle or farmtown or whatever it is...If you didn't notice, I do not participate~ However if you feel the need to send me things, in my real world, I could use a mansion on the beach with 3 maids, 1 cook, at leas

   Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic

   A Foolish Man tells a Woman to "Shut Da Hell Up", but a Wise Man tells Her That her Mouth is Extremely Beautiful When Her Lips are Closed.

   Hey! It's called facebook, a social networking site, NOT faithbook, a cram your religious beliefs down my throat site. Hiding!