Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it just me or is Beyoncé singing "Halo" with the line, "remember those Walls I built, well baby they tumbling down". Slightly inappropriate for the Haiti EARTHQUAKE appeal!!!!

   One good thing about music. When it hits you, you feel no pain.

   What I want, I get. If I didn't get it, then maybe I didn't really want it.

   It's mind over matter. I don't mind because you don't matter.

   CONFUCIUS SAYS: "Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house." hehehe!!!!!!

   - Of course, the great thing about tomorrow is that all of those heart shaped Russell Stover's and Whitman's sampler boxes will be 50% off.

   England: The country where Pizza gets to your house quicker than the Police

   Valentine's Day ends tomorrow..so dont forget to wake me up!!!

   I didn't know NASCAR contracted IDOT to patch the racetracks! I knew the quality of that patch looked familiar

   Sign in Bar: "Low-cut blouses are looked down upon in this establishment."

   To the people I forgot, you weren`t on my mind for some reason and you probably don`t deserve any thanks anyway.

   applied for a job at Hooter's today. The manager handed me a bra and said, "Here, fill this out."

   Happy Chinese New year!! It is the year of the Tiger. I can think of one Tiger who isn't having a good year.

   If I break up with you Why say I wont find anyone else like you If I wanted someone like you I wouldnt Break up with you

   So its ok to have a movie called "White Men Can't Jump" but its wrong to make a movie called "Black Man Can't Swim" SOCIETY SUCKS!!!!!!

   I did not celebrate Valentines Day but instead chose to celebrate the Chinese New Year... and its the year of the Tiger and my god what a year it has been for the man!!

   An unemployed clown is nobody's fool.

   Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?..............Neither did I. I was just asking.

   just because your school can get 100,000 fans before another doesn't make it better... only thing it says is grads from your school have more free time. maybe because the other school's grads are at work while you're at home stalking people on facebook.

   The best way to get back on your feet, is to miss a car payment.