Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Greeting cards are for people who mean every word someone else said.

   Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind.

   Telling my nephew that leprechauns store their gold in electrical sockets and that he'd need a fork to get it out probably wasn't a good idea.

   I met this girl who was so ugly that Facebook banned her profile pic and sent her back to Myspace.

   "Man Falls Off Bridge While Urinating" Authorities are still trying to figure out what pissed him off.

   I'm so exhausted from my French self-defense course. I've never had to run so far in all my life!

   73% of men don't know what a cookie is. But 99% know how to delete them.

   An Eskimo in the North Pole was arrested on suspicion of murder. Police want to know what he was doing on the night between September and March.

   Z is the last letter in the alphabet because it overslept.

   I don't know who example555@hotmail.com is but I wish he would stop using my MSN Messenger.

   It's easy to get people dancing at parties. Just hold up the line for the bathroom.

   Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.

   There's a fine line between hyphenated words.

   Since the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France, I'm surprised it didn't come with both arms raised.

   That runaway oil well in the Gulf of Mexico continues to gush about 200,000 gallons of oil a day. To put that into perspective: That's the equivalent of about ten buckets of K.F.C.

   Police found the device in a smoking Nissan Pathfinder. Thank God it was a Nissan. If it had been a Toyota, you know it would have blown up.

   I felt sorry the hypnotist I saw last night He hypnotised seven men then dropped the microphone on his foot & yelled "F*ck me!".. What happened next will haunt me forever!

   I went to Japan and got myself a discount prostitute. She love me moderate time.

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   Paddy and Murphy walking down the road when Paddy finds a mirror He looks at it and says, "I'm sure I've seen this man before!" and then passes it to Murphy. Murphy then says, "You stupid idiot! That's me!"