Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Cheryl Cole changed her relationship status to "single". 45 million people liked this.

   Whenever I sing,i put the cat in the front yard. That way,the neighbours can see it and know it's not being strangled.

   Well,today was a total waste of makeup.

   I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

   A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

   This is a mean,cruel world & I want my nappy & medications right now!

   i renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

   You can cross my mind, run through it, play in it, bounce across it, dance in it. There is alot of room in there...

   Dilemma: Do I wash all my dishes or should I eat my cornflakes in a cup with a knife?

   It's terrible how many cable channels are filled with nudity. And how few of those channels come with basic service

   I should really stop confusing sign language for kung-fu.

   I bet curling atheletes have dirty houses. When they get home,they must think "Screw this. I do enough sweeping at work!"

   I smile because I don't know what's going on.

   Sow your wild oats on Saturday night. Then pray for crop failure on Sunday.

   I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.

   My therapist just prescribed all new meds for my March madness.

   Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

   What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single!

   Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because those that can run,jump and swim are already in the U.S.

   Definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law go over a cliff in your brand new Porsche.