Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages
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I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.
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...is a Vagitarian. :-)
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How is getting a bj from a 75-year lady like bungee jumping? Whatever you do,don't look down!
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..to me, a Super Bowl is one that's full of snacks that I don't have to share.
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Facebook isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble
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When I was little, we used to play a game called "knock and run" where you knock on someone's door and run away before they answered. Nowadays, it's known as "Parcelforce"
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John Terry explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.
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..lost £50 on the Super Bowl. That's the last time I bet on a horse.
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..oh dear. Some special ed class somewhere is missing a student..
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I laugh in the face of danger, then I hide until it goes away.
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February. It's not a leap year, but feel free to take a flying one anyway.
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Farmville? Meh..just wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville"..
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If I didn't use the bus,i would never have a man opening a door for me.
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I taught my dog to beg today. He came back with £12.75.
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Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.
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I played a country music song backwards. I got my truck back,my house back,my dog back..
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When she asked me "What kind of idiot are you?" it took me awhile to realize it wasn't a Facebook quiz.
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All you need is love. And Valentines Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.
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I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows
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Thanks to modern medicine, people can be sexually active long past the age when anyone wants to see them naked.
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