lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.
←Rate | 03-20-2010 14:26 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, auditioning for the circus again.
←Rate | 05-30-2010 05:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 19:00 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when my internet is down,i forget that the rest of my computer still works.
←Rate | 02-22-2010 17:02 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't been to work in four days. I've almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper.
←Rate | 12-27-2010 10:51 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My car talks. It says things like "your door is ajar", but never anything really helpful like, "there's a trooper hiding in the bushes."
←Rate | 06-29-2010 14:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that us women can pour hot wax on our legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
←Rate | 09-20-2010 14:28 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
←Rate | 04-25-2010 18:19 by lemonpillow Comments (4)  


   messageicon This "fancy" wine rack I got for Christmas is total crap. NONE of these boxes fit at all
←Rate | 01-29-2010 14:29 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.
←Rate | 09-05-2009 08:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never sure what to do with my eyes when I'm at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What's the proper etiquette here?
←Rate | 02-03-2011 13:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon God. I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
←Rate | 02-14-2010 06:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman stopped and asked for directions "Don't stare at her tits.Don't stare at her tits.Don't stare at her tits." I said to myself. She then said "Don't stare at who's tits?"
←Rate | 04-26-2010 07:47 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"? Damn firemen.
←Rate | 07-07-2010 14:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When setting the table, does the remote control go to the left, to the right or over the dinner plate?
←Rate | 01-29-2010 14:32 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 03:43 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..pays her bills with a smile. Most creditors,however,would prefer cash..
←Rate | 01-20-2010 11:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never buy a car you can't push.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 14:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was on a plane the other day and when it landed, the pilot said, "Those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated." I don't think they had much of a choice.
←Rate | 09-19-2010 10:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's no coincidence the people who call the cops when parties get loud are the people who never get invited to parties.
←Rate | 10-12-2010 13:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  



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