Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Maybe I'm old school, but I like women with eyebrows actually made out of hair.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 14:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I'm saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 22:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you're an idiot.
←Rate | 03-17-2013 12:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking.
←Rate | 12-14-2011 16:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really pity whoever is the last man on earth. Most women agree they want nothing to do with that guy.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 15:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't make any new resolutions this year because I'm still working on the ones from 2007.
←Rate | 01-02-2011 17:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After I die, they will look through my portfolio of Facebook status updates and see that my life was not wasted.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 13:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 10:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don't want to know."
←Rate | 09-28-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After sending a risky text, a minute feels like an eternity.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 16:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Winter: It's like the crazy murderer in a horror movie. Just when you think it's dead, it strikes one last time.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 15:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless you woke up inside a live shark, I don't want to hear about your weekend.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 16:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This morning a girl on my friends list wrote as her Facebook status "F*CKING PHONE!!!" I'll admit now that asking "Can I watch?" was not really my smartest choice.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 18:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was just sexually harassed. Screw a lawsuit. I haven't been this flattered in a while..
←Rate | 06-17-2011 10:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it when opportunity knocks on your door, it knocks only once. But temptation... That b*tch leans on the damn door bell!
←Rate | 02-10-2011 17:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother-in-law came to visit, I asked, "How long are you going to stay?" She said, "As long as you want me to." I said, "You're not even going to stay for coffee?"
←Rate | 11-10-2010 11:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may look calm, but in my head I've punched you in the face 3 times!
←Rate | 03-23-2011 16:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just taped magnets to the bottom of my empty coffee cup and attached it to the top of my car... Can't wait to see how many people will try and flag me down...
←Rate | 06-07-2010 21:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that you really think about it, you've never seen me and Batman in the same room have you?
←Rate | 01-19-2011 14:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)  


   messageicon Facebook: A place where all your past mistakes will eventually try to befriend you.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 05:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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