Aaron Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'Aaron': View All Messages
Page: 1 of 46

   messageicon "This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
←Rate | 03-26-2016 14:36 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
←Rate | 03-26-2016 19:06 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have my headphones on, but judging by the reactions, that was an audible fart.
←Rate | 02-17-2013 13:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I already looked there." -Kids that didn't look there
←Rate | 10-12-2016 21:13 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad, but not suspicious.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 12:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Google Earth is way cooler than regular Earth.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 15:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.
←Rate | 11-19-2012 19:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 17:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never been skydiving,, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.
←Rate | 09-11-2012 09:16 by Aaron Comments (2)  


   messageicon Halloween is the by far the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
←Rate | 10-29-2011 12:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe we should be focussing less on Goldilocks and more on why Mama and Papa bear don't sleep in the same bed anymore.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 14:24 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
←Rate | 09-05-2013 20:05 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate how the iPhone auto-corrects "f**k that" to "yes, dear".
←Rate | 10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
←Rate | 06-26-2015 18:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 09:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally ready to accept that it's not butter
←Rate | 08-07-2011 02:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
←Rate | 11-16-2013 19:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I confine my exercise to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 12:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 18:48 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes police too long to respond to 911 calls. If I get robbed I'm ordering Chinese food and asking them to bring a gun.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 14:10 by Aaron Comments (0)  




[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left