Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Airport security asked me if I'd seen anything unusual. Well, I just paid eighteen dollars for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of beer, let's start with that.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?
←Rate | 11-11-2018 20:21 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. You should worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. :-)
←Rate | 11-19-2018 14:13 by Pilgrim Comments (2)  


   messageicon Builds elaborate structures while playing Fortnite. Can't make own bed in real life.
←Rate | 11-16-2018 21:00 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wrestle with my demons . . . other times they just chase me down the street after I steal money from their wallets.
←Rate | 11-16-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.
←Rate | 11-19-2018 17:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!
←Rate | 11-06-2018 04:46 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!
←Rate | 11-14-2018 06:29 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they criticize your driving, look them straight in the eye while you turn their airbag off.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember me in your Prayers like you do in your Gossips.
←Rate | 09-12-2018 06:28 by raman911 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bought some unsalted almonds by accident today. Turns out, I like salt, not almonds.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 19:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: "Let's watch a good horror movie tonight!" Me: "OK!" **Breaks out wedding video** And that's when the fight started...
←Rate | 10-20-2018 17:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ordered botox instead of a bowflex and you can’t tell but I’m mad
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 06:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically, a gun is much less likely to be used in a crime than a Senator.
←Rate | 12-06-2017 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I text I use the word duck a lot. Mainly because auto-correct is a ditch.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:39 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  




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