nfl OR football OR superbowl Funny Status Messages

   Dearest Neighbors, Please do NOT call the police, it’s not domestic violence or a wild party. It’s football season, that’s just me screaming at my TV.

   I get tired of all the drama of family getting mad and running out the door every Thanksgiving! I believe a man is allowed to watch football naked in his own house!

   Men in 20's play football, men in 30's play cricket and men in their 40's play Golf. Have you noticed the older the men the smaller the balls?

   When Jimmy Garoppolo said he watches a lot of film, I thought it was talking about football

   The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public :-)

   On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.

   Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.

   Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I also accept gifts in the form of beer, casual sex and football tickets

   Next years Superbowl has been changed to Motel 6. They'll leave the lights on.

   Superbowl: the only time in a year that you tell people to be quiet because a commercial is on.

   If I could pick winning football teams half as well as I pick the stupidest, slowest cashier in Walmart, I could afford to shop elsewhere.

   hates it when he goes to a Vuvuzela concert and people start playing football...

   OK ladies....College football starts tonight!! You may now start to cheat, shop or whatever.....Just shut up and stay out of the Man Cave!!

   You know what would would solve the whole Kaepernick issue? If only he was a better football player...

   You post constant status updates about what TV show you're watching and what you're eating for dinner. You're not allowed to whine when people get excited for football once a week.

   It's pretty sad when the highlight of a three hour football game is out staged by a red m&m."

   A girl wearing a pink jersey is not a fan of football. She's just trying to bang someone who is.

   Peggy - "Tell me you love me, Al - "I love football, I love beer, let's not cheapen the meaning of the word."

   A lot can happen in 2mins during football.. Like 47 useless commericals..For instance..

   Why do men like football? Because the biggest priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man's life.... Scoring and Ball Security.