nfl OR football OR superbowl Funny Status Messages

   We bought an 82 inch TV. Football: awesome Porn: terrifying

   Ask a meteorologist who will win the Superbowl......then go with the other team ;-)

   I'm glad it's college football season again, now we have an excuse to drink at 9:00 AM on a Saturday.

   Some good tax news for you Michigan trolls. The IRS announced today that you can write off your Michigan Wolverine football season tickets as a total loss.

   I get tired of all the drama of family getting mad and running out the door every Thanksgiving! I believe a man is allowed to watch football naked in his own house!

   Dearest Neighbors, Please do NOT call the police, it’s not domestic violence or a wild party. It’s football season, that’s just me screaming at my TV.

   Men in 20's play football, men in 30's play cricket and men in their 40's play Golf. Have you noticed the older the men the smaller the balls?

   Why do football players wait until the last 5 minutes of the 4th quarter to play with any real intensity?

   When Jimmy Garoppolo said he watches a lot of film, I thought it was talking about football

   Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.

   The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public :-)

   On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.

   Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I also accept gifts in the form of beer, casual sex and football tickets

   Superbowl: the only time in a year that you tell people to be quiet because a commercial is on.

   Next years Superbowl has been changed to Motel 6. They'll leave the lights on.

   It's pretty sad when the highlight of a three hour football game is out staged by a red m&m."

   If I could pick winning football teams half as well as I pick the stupidest, slowest cashier in Walmart, I could afford to shop elsewhere.

   OK ladies....College football starts tonight!! You may now start to cheat, shop or whatever.....Just shut up and stay out of the Man Cave!!

   hates it when he goes to a Vuvuzela concert and people start playing football...

   You post constant status updates about what TV show you're watching and what you're eating for dinner. You're not allowed to whine when people get excited for football once a week.