Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
←Rate | 02-23-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My salt shaker has been clogged for two years now, so don't come to me with your issues
←Rate | 02-23-2018 05:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that losing with dignity and grace is no longer the right thing to do?
←Rate | 02-23-2018 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone doesn't get started on my laundry soon I'll be wearing a suit to cut the grass tomorrow morning
←Rate | 02-23-2018 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daisy Dukes make my General Lee stand at attention.
←Rate | 02-23-2018 13:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon mechanic says the weird sound I hear in my car is me sighing
←Rate | 02-23-2018 12:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NRA Is All About ‘Protecting Your Rights’, Unless You’re Black.
←Rate | 02-24-2018 05:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump finally ends school shootings by banning school.
←Rate | 02-24-2018 05:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
←Rate | 02-17-2018 09:14 Comments (2)  


   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  


   messageicon Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s time for a new holiday, where people give gifts they don’t want.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today my yoga teacher was really drunk, which put me in an awkward position.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 23:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dave came into the bar last night visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much, quit counting them
←Rate | 02-10-2018 08:13 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Bachelor is the show that answers the question "How much wine do you have to drink until you think the guy making out with twenty different women would make a good husband?"
←Rate | 09-20-2017 08:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has more to say than the woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2017 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK. Who is the genius who decided to call it Box Wine and not Cardboardeaux?
←Rate | 02-15-2018 08:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 05:20 Comments (0)  



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