Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon " I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."
←Rate | 08-16-2018 22:17 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a camo shirt the other day and now I can't find the damn thing...
←Rate | 08-16-2018 22:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the ban on straws what's left to grasp?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 10:04 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why is it called mooning when you're actually showing uranus?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 01:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I answered that Ancestry.com ad and asked for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over. FML.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 10:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes raw talent to make sushi.
←Rate | 08-16-2018 21:19 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love getting lectured about patriotism and morality by a draft dodging bigot who conspires with our enemies, obstructs justice, lies constantly and pays hush money to porn stars. Don't you?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 11:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a problem with me, call me and we'll talk about it. If you don't have my number then you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 11:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
←Rate | 08-07-2018 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cleaning all the straws out of my glove box cause I would not want any straw sniffing dogs to find my stash!
←Rate | 08-07-2018 11:20 Comments (3)  


   messageicon People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 21:12 Comments (2)  


   messageicon If you put the words "Let's see who reads this" at the beginning of your post it virtually guarantees that I won't.
←Rate | 08-08-2018 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It doesn't matter if you're black or white, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman because cats hate all of you.
←Rate | 07-26-2018 14:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 11:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 21:01 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never sympathized more with women in my life.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:09 Comments (0)  


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