Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had a dollar for eveytime I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream
←Rate | 07-01-2020 11:12 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now that Elmer has been disarmed, prepare for a huge population boom of cartoon rabbits ..
←Rate | 07-01-2020 23:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to my doctor and asked him who his doctor was, then I switched doctors .
←Rate | 06-09-2020 04:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day...
←Rate | 06-18-2020 13:05 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't believe everything you read in public toilets. Sharon is not up for a good time. What an awkward phone call that was...
←Rate | 06-16-2020 08:58 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon I drive more safely when there's food in the passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there...
←Rate | 06-05-2020 08:17 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look, all I know is none of this sh*t was going on when Mtv still played music videos.
←Rate | 06-19-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they’ve lost. Now they know how we feel!!
←Rate | 06-02-2020 17:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do people just get up and think about what they can be offended by today?
←Rate | 06-18-2020 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are all the non essential oils out of work now?.
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change, hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
←Rate | 06-18-2020 08:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing worse than not getting a joke, is being offended by one.
←Rate | 06-02-2020 14:25 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon We debated for years what the participation trophy generation would turn out to be. Now we know.
←Rate | 06-14-2020 13:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon whoa they've gone way too far when they disarm Elmer Fudd
←Rate | 06-10-2020 01:09 by Lonnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon For a year numbered 2020, it's amazing how blind some folks can be.
←Rate | 06-05-2020 06:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shia Labeouf sounds like something you do after eating Taco Bell
←Rate | 06-24-2020 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What idiot called them anti-anxiety meds instead of relaxatives?
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”
←Rate | 06-11-2020 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Popeye's Chicken is offensive to guys who have ridiculously large forearms with anchors tattooed on them and really skinny girlfriends.
←Rate | 06-19-2020 06:46 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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