santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Cashier: do you want cash back? Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's ring of fire, I walk the line. Let's not forget his christmas album
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wasn't allowed to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" as a kid because of my Peanut allergy.
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie why do I spend the holidays hiding in the vents of my workplace?
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anybody knows any lonely old people preparing to eat Christmas dinner alone? Please let me know as I need to borrow some chairs!
←Rate | 12-07-2019 07:20 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon To people who have Christmas lights flashing blue in their yard........ can you remove them? Every time I pass, I think it's the cops and I have to remove my foot from the accelerator, slam on my brakes, put my seat belt on, throw my phone on the floor, h
←Rate | 12-06-2019 19:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: Ooh, I love those pretty Christmas lights hanging over the street. Cop: Those are traffic lights, what's exactly in the thermos ma'am?
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon COP: someone's been cutting everyone's christmas lights but not yours ME: I have no idea why a crustacean- I mean person would do that [my pet lobster Susan slowly puts her big pincer behind her back]
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The dollar tree has motion sensor Christmas ornaments that blast jingle bells in case your family doesn't already hate you...
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In line at Target when the woman behind be says to her kid "If you don't stop fussing I'm gonna make you spend christmas with this man" and then points at me causing him to cry harder
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Store Clerk: Happy holidays Me (angrily): Merry…CHRISTMAS Clerk (even angrier): SEASON’S GREETINGS [we just start choking each other]
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas as a child: "Socks and Money? This is ridiculous!" Christmas as an adult: "SOCKS AND MONEY? HOW DID YOU KNOW? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. I LOVE YOU"
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to remember where I hid all of my kids' gifts will be the real Christmas miracle.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, "Don't get me anything for Christmas."
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sorry about your dress." "Sorry about the nudity." "Sorry I kept calling your wife sir." - Me, the day after the office Christmas party.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon me: [listening to The Twelve Days of Christmas] "no person wants this many birds"
←Rate | 12-06-2019 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas is always stressful for my family but I refuse to stop giving my brother's wives bras
←Rate | 12-06-2019 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was so mad at my parents when I found out Santa wasn’t real, I stormed out of the house, got in my car and just drove and drove.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 08:44 by Rickster Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know what I’m getting for Christmas …Yeah that's right, Fat. I’m getting fat.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am trying to get into the Christmas "spirit" but can't get the bottle open...
←Rate | 12-05-2019 14:16 Comments (0)  



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