timboss Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon it just me, or does el Chapo sound like a low budget Mexican Restauraunt? Where ya wanna go eat? I duuno.. Let's try el Chapo's
←Rate | 01-12-2016 03:56 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear History Channel, The Mayans were wrong.. We are not dead.. Everybody is still here. Please adjust your morning programing accordingly..
←Rate | 12-15-2015 09:32 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when I'm scrolling through Facebook the first thing in the morning and accidentally run up on the three headed baby.. Eww
←Rate | 07-03-2013 09:31 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sitting here watching "Undercover Boss" thinking.. Guy shows up at your job with a camera crew, screws everything up, gets you to reveal secrets about your personal life.. If you can't figure out what's going on, there's no hope left for you..
←Rate | 04-06-2013 05:34 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just got out of bed and decided I'd trim that annoying hair on my eyebrow that kept getting in my eye last night... Now I have half an eyebrow
←Rate | 01-16-2013 08:19 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just googled, "Gift ideas for wife" One website suggested a cooking class. They must have thought I meant, "Gift ideas for wife if you want to sleep on the couch forever."
←Rate | 12-10-2012 00:17 by Timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of all the lies I've told in my life, "just kidding" is probably my favorite..
←Rate | 11-23-2012 13:13 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon You couldn't chain me up and drag me into a WalMart today!
←Rate | 11-23-2012 13:10 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rest in Peace Sheriff Taylor.. You will be remembered and loved.
←Rate | 07-03-2012 12:12 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just went out and witnessed the transit of venus.. Now I have no retinas...
←Rate | 06-05-2012 19:00 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
←Rate | 04-22-2012 11:32 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon When going out for sea food, I always order shark steak. Not because I like it.. but to show THEM who is really on top of the food chain.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 21:11 by Timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gee honey, I would have taken the trash out.. But I slipped and fell into the lifeboat..
←Rate | 01-18-2012 19:42 by Timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me? Or are the three finalists at the end of Funniest Home Videos never the funniest?
←Rate | 01-17-2012 07:20 by Timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope my CEO doesn't come here as the Undercover Boss cause I'd be like, "Ahh, don't worry about that mess. It'll be there tomorrow... BREAK TIME!"
←Rate | 01-16-2012 01:38 by Timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing aggravates me more than to hear a career politician say, "I am not a career politician."
←Rate | 12-29-2011 11:48 by Timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can you imagine how different the story would have been if Fritz hadn't dropped the "normal" brain?
←Rate | 10-29-2011 23:53 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really should bring the chair at work home with me so I can get some sleep at night...
←Rate | 09-12-2011 00:29 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon just saw where the movie "Ground Hog Day" is coming on tonight.. Oh.. Wait a minute.. That's President Obama's job speech.. sorry
←Rate | 09-08-2011 07:43 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon Quote of the week "Tactically, it's all going as planned.." Qaddafi
←Rate | 08-24-2011 07:20 by timboss Comments (0)  


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