Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My wife wanted to try something different in bed last night. So we had sex.
←Rate | 03-03-2017 07:10 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon I walked into a florist today and said “I want a bunch of flowers for my wife.” The cashier looked at me and said, “What are you after?” I said, “Some sex.”
←Rate | 03-03-2017 07:10 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight,… to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
←Rate | 03-03-2017 07:07 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." — John. F. Kennedy
←Rate | 03-01-2017 01:08 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
←Rate | 02-26-2017 12:43 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon I may be getting older, but I remember back in my day, if you took pics of yourself to show all your mates, you were a faggot.
←Rate | 02-10-2017 23:55 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters. So Trump can’t tweet it.
←Rate | 01-12-2017 00:53 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon After 30 years of shopping, my wife still has nothing to wear today.
←Rate | 12-31-2016 07:19 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was telling my wife how my New Years resolution is to try and be a happier person. “That’s lovely” she said, giving me a hug. “I’m glad you think so” I replied. “Your bag’s by the front door”.
←Rate | 12-31-2016 07:17 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Year’s resolutions are: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.
←Rate | 12-31-2016 07:16 by Comments (0)  


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